Dating has perhaps never been more complicated. Recent studies show that nearly half of Americans think dating is harder now than it was ten years ago. Despite the sudden influx of dating apps that, at face value, should have made finding a romantic partner easier, the opposite may be true.
It’s perhaps not that surprising to learn that sugar dating — a relationship model where financial and material support is exchanged for companionship or intimacy — is becoming increasingly popular. For instance, the website seeking.com, which facilitates sugar dating arrangements, boasts over 40 million users in more than 100 countries.
But what drives people to engage in sugar dating on both sides? Well, duh! Sex and money, you might say — and you wouldn’t be totally wrong. However, a new study — one of only a handful that dared to explore this topic — provides unprecedented depth to the intricate dynamics of these arrangements. It’s all a lot more nuanced than most people think, the study found.
Not just a simple exchange of money for intimacy
Researchers led by Kate Metcalfe, a clinical psychology Ph.D. student at the University of Texas at Austin, aimed to understand the personal experiences of those involved in sugar dating, the benefits and drawbacks they perceive, and the power dynamics at play.
The researchers gathered data from 77 individuals across the U.S. and Canada, encompassing a wide demographic range and including both sugar babies and benefactors. Each participant was interviewed about their history of sugar dating, the precise nature of their arrangements, and their various experiences.
Participants reported various motivations for entering sugar dating, with financial compensation and the pursuit of companionship and emotional connection being primary drivers for sugar babies and benefactors, respectively. Sex is always expected by the sugar daddy and almost always conceded by the sugar baby. Interestingly, the study found that sugar relationships often include elements typical of traditional dating. This challenges the black-and-white stereotype that sugar dating is just luxury prostitution. Intimacy is a key part of such arrangements, and it doesn’t just involve sex — although sex does seem like the key motivator for the benefactors.
“There is a misconception that you can receive gifts (or money) just to text someone without any sort of sexual activity, but this just does not hold true. Most, if not all, sugar arrangements involve some level of sexual exchange, which typically coincides with a level of intimacy or emotional connection, as well as a ‘dating’ component where sugar partners spend time together outside of the bedroom,” Meltcafe told PsyPost.
Some other key findings at a glance include:
- The age difference between sugar babies and sugar daddies is around 20 years. The age of the study participants ranged from 18 to 74 years.
- Sugar babies are notably younger on average (28.76 years) compared to benefactors (48.15 years).
- Sugar babies report engaging in an average of four sugar dating arrangements.
- Over one-third of sugar babies have also engaged in other forms of transactional sex work, such as stripping, selling content online, or escorting.
- Sugar benefactors report a higher average number of arrangements (over six), suggesting they may engage in multiple or sequential relationships more frequently.
- A majority of sugar benefactors have histories of paying for sexual activities, indicating a broader pattern of transactional sexual relationships.
Power and perception in sugar dating
One of the study’s most intriguing revelations concerns the power dynamics within sugar dating. Contrary to expectations, it was found that sugar babies frequently hold significant negotiating power, derived from their desirability and ability to set the terms of the arrangement. This challenges the stereotypical view of benefactors holding all the control due to their financial leverage. If anything, the power dynamics seem to work in reverse in most cases, with the sugar baby yielding more perceived power than the sugar daddy.
Moreover, the research indicated that both parties view the emotional and social aspects of their arrangements as crucial, with many seeking genuine connections and shared experiences akin to those in conventional relationships. This blurs the lines between transactional and traditional romantic engagements, suggesting that sugar dating occupies a unique space within the spectrum of personal relationships.
There are, in fact, multiple types of sugar dating, believe it or not. In a 2019 study, sociologist Maren Scull identified seven distinct categories of dating. These range from what Scull terms “sugar prostitution” — purely transactional encounters devoid of emotional connection, where gifts or money are exchanged for physical intimacy — to “compensated companionship”, which emphasizes non-romantic, platonic relationships nurtured through social interaction.
There’s of course also a dark side to these types of relationships. Sugar babies noted they were taking precautions against physical coercion and admitted feeling concerned for their safety at the beginning of each sugar dating relationship. The sugar daddies, on the other hand, grapple with fears of exploitation and the potential tarnishing of their reputation, pointing to the persisting social stigma surrounding sugar dating.
Furthermore, benefactors often find themselves questioning the genuineness of the bond, while sugar babies report feelings of pressure, yet both parties show only a moderate adherence to traditional gender roles. This counters the expectation that sugar dating simply reinforces antiquated dynamics of male financial providers and female recipients.
As sugar dating continues to gain visibility, understanding the motivations and experiences of those involved is crucial for navigating the ethical, emotional, and societal implications of these relationships.
“The hardest part about investigating this topic is the stigma associated with it, largely due to the transactional nature of these relationships,” Metcalfe said in an interview with PsyPost. “Social media certainly has helped bring these issues to light and to create a certain level of openness about it, but we are concerned that by doing so many who stand to benefit financially (i.e., the companies promoting these relationships) continue to exploit young people, especially those in financial need, by suggesting that these relationships are common, typical, or normative. It’s hard to get around that point.”
The findings were reported in The Journal of Sex Research.
